I do apologize for some of my racial, or religious jokes that may have incited more offensive ones. I meant them to be quick, and comical. I will refrain from further ones because as the creator of this tread stated, it’s not very desirable, and I feel we’re going to get a touch out of hand here, and possibly close a good, and funny thread like this. Would we all agree? That last one may be a touch too offensive for some.

So, Jeff Dunham not so good? He's a bit provocative I guess, but very very funny.

Ok then back to the cliche deserted island joke...

Three men were trapped on a deserted island when their ship sank, one guy from Kansas, one from New York, and one from Texas. One day they found a bottle with a Genie inside. The Genie agreed to give them each one wish. The man from Kansas was going to wish to be sent home but the Texan stopped him.
"Now hold up there son, we ain't too far from the main land and I've a feelin we'll be rescued before long. I think we ought to put these here wishes to good use and get us somethin' good that'll last after we're home."
The Kansas man thought about it and then agreed. "Ok Genie, I wish for a Tornado-proof home."
The Genie nodded and it was done.
Then the Texan got a big smile on his face and said, "Alright Genie, I want a massive wall to completely surround Texas on all borders. I want it so tall and so thick that nothing can get in or out save by special gates that only recognize Texans."
The Genie nodded and it was done.
The man from New York got a mischevious smile on his face and said, "Nothing can get in our out eh? Ok Genie, fill Texas with water."

Now that is funny.

Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of
3 great kings who have brought happiness and
peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-
king.

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having
trouble with one of her students. The teacher
asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st
grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
3rd grade too!' Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to
the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the
teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer
any of his questions he was to go back to the
1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the
test. Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?' Harry:
'9.' Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?' Harry:
'36.' And so it went with every question the
principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask
him some questions..' The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four
of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.' Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you
have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask
such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man
steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.' The principal sat forward with his mouth
hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then
comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and
before he could stop the answer, Harry replied,
'Bubble gum.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up,
a woman does sitting down and a dog does on
three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands .' The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and
ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and
excitement?' Harry:
'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told
the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the
last seven questions wrong.

Nice one, but I feel the censorship mods coming. Once you head down this path, it could get ugly. You know how some people like to push the envelope, and see how far they can take. I’m sure you know what I mean.

I thought it was pretty funny though.

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything: tutors, they
tried everything they could think of. Finally, in
a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and
enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After
the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even
kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went to his
room and started studying. Books and papers
were spread out all over the room and little
Tommy was hard at work. His mother was
amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched
back to his room without a word and in no time
he was back hitting the books as hard as
before. This went on for some time, day after
day while the mother tried to understand what
made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it
on the table and went up to his room and hit
the books. With great trepidation, his Mom
looked at it and to her surprise.... little Tommy
got an A in math. She could no longer hold her
curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, whaaaat was it???? Was it the nuns??" Little
Tommy looked at her and shook his head, "no."
"Well, then", she replied, "was it the books, the
discipline, the structure, the uniforms????
WHHHHAAAATTTT was it????" Little Tommy
looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the
plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around

HOOEY, you‘ve got to love that one.

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose
their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just
lose their balance OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never
die, they just get wasted OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they
just become history OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and
quiver OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose
their structures OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to
another world OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose
interest OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be
a loan OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they
just go batty OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they
just run their last lap

I couldn’t think of a better place to put this brain teaser.

Here’s the scenario:

On a stormy New England night the local police responded to a house alarm. When they got there, and searched the house, they came upon a scene in the den.

In this cold darkened room on the floor just a couple of feet away from the window was a pool of water with broken glass all around it. In the center of this pool of water was a body. Next to the body was a metal rod about 3 feet in length partially wrapped in some sort of cloth.

Can you figure out what happened?? I’ll give this one until Monday, or Tuesday unless someone gets it right. Please don’t ask any questions for this little scenario. Everything you need to complete it is here. This was something given to me as an assignment in my high school days, and the teacher also did not allow questions. There were many good answers to this, but there is only one right one.

It is too hard for me

Just kidding,must read it carefully.

He stuck the rod out of the window and got struck by lightning and died. I've no idea.

Interesting Brain teaser.

I need more info ,or a picture of the scene.

the struck by lightning senerio is too easy for a true brain teaser.

(25-07-2011 03:06 AM)Easy Bakes Wrote:  Interesting Brain teaser.

I need more info ,or a picture of the scene.

the struck by lightning senerio is too easy for a true brain teaser.

Sorry, but like I said, “No Questions”. You‘re getting it the same way I did some 40 years ago.

I’m sure IronFist was just fooling. He stated that he didn’t know. I may give a hint tomorrow. Then again... maybe not. That would be more than I got when I first heard it.

I know some other riddles. Maybe I will post them after somebody finds solution to TB's one.

(25-07-2011 10:09 AM)Che Guevara Wrote:  I know some other riddles. Maybe I will post them after somebody finds solution to TB's one.

Oh, all right. The breeze through the open window blew the curtain rod onto the goldfish bowl, shattering it and killing the goldfish.

(25-07-2011 10:09 AM)Che Guevara Wrote:  I know some other riddles. Maybe I will post them after somebody finds solution to TB's one.

Yea, but I guess this audience doesn't like 'brain teasers'. I'll give the answer Tuesday at 6pm EST.

That was very close BT. That was the very same answer I gave, and the teacher gave me credit for it. Only one very small thing was wrong. Should I just give the answer now?

Damn I was trying to imagine human body in pool of water ! Crap.

(25-07-2011 04:39 PM)Che Guevara Wrote:  Damn I was trying to imagine human body in pool of water ! Crap.

90% of the people do.

(25-07-2011 04:49 PM)Tropico Bob Wrote:  

(25-07-2011 04:39 PM)Che Guevara Wrote:  Damn I was trying to imagine human body in pool of water ! Crap.

90% of the people do.

Thats why I failed to find answer

Deleted by poster.

Deleted by poster

dang i was thinking the glass was from a broken window.

I love brain teasers and have quite an arsenal to add to this, if people are interested.

Ok, for Bob's puzzle, I see several possibilities, of course only one is right and I can't ask questions so I'm gonna think out loud for a minute...
Well, it doesn't say whether the body had any physical injuries like from impalement or lacerations. It could have been that the broken glass was what killed him, or the metal rod was actually sharpened into a spear and impaled him, and the cloth wrapped around was a tattered piece of his shirt. Or, assuming Baltic Trader's on the right track it could indeed have been a water creature that simply suffocated out of water.

But actually, my original line of thinking upon reading this was that the broken glass was from the window. This would make sense as the police responded to an alarm, and a broken window would likely cause such an alarm. The water could have been simply rain water that came in after the window was broken. Or it could have been ice that melted, perhaps it had been formed into a weapon tied to the end of the metal rod with the cloth. Such an ice weapon would leave no fingerprints as it would melt, leaving just a metal rod with some cloth around the end. The question then is who killed him? Was it suicide or murder? I'd suspect murder as the broken window would testify to someone breaking in. Motive? Unknown. Maybe it was Father Winter who was mad at this guy for being warm?

Tyroq,did you play LA Noire ? I think you would enjoy it

BT IS on right track- Bob said it.

You guys are reading way too much into this. When the answer is revealed, you’ll kick yourself in the butt.

---

(25-07-2011 09:52 PM)Easy Bakes Wrote:  dang i was thinking the glass was from a broken window.

... you would be right. Just think about the situation.

Maybe we should create a thread of “Brain Teasers” to separate it from jokes, and the Darwin Awards.

Ok, riddle discussion moved to the new Brain Teasers Thread. Thanks for starting that Bob. I'm sure it will be great.

Along the lines of funny stuff now...

Iron Fist, Che, and Bob were on a tropical island (not Tropico ) and were captured by a tribe of vicious cannibals. The cannibals gave each of them a choice on their fate. Either they would be food for the tribe, or they would provide entertainment. Of course the three chose to entertain rather than die. So the cannibal leader told them to go out into the jungle and each of them pick a fruit and bring it back, any fruit they wanted, just grab one and bring it back. So Iron Fist heads off and finds a bunch of grapes and is the first one back. The cannibal leader told him to bend over and shove them all up his rear, if he managed to do it he could go free. He got about half way through but couldn't finish so they killed him and ate him. Next Che got back carrying bananas and was told the same thing. He tried, but soon found himself laughing hysterically, so they killed him too. Well, when he appeared in the after life he quickly found Iron Fist and they began discussing what had happened. Iron Fist looked at Che and asked, so what made you laugh like that all of a sudden? Che grinned and said, oh well I just happened to look up and saw Tropico Bob coming back with an armload of Pineapples.

Hope you guys don't mind I put your names in that. Thought it'd be funnier that way.

Yes, but let’s finish this riddle here, so we all don’t get confused.

Ill repost it

Asuming the body isnt human Tyroc's senerio seems valid.

lightning disoreinted brid crashes thru the window and gets tangled in the partly opened curtian tearing down the metal rod with the curtian attached at one end, water leaking in thru the broken window.

the water or rod may or may not have killed the stuned bird but i dont think it was dead when it broke the window, i dont think the birds dead wieght would be enough to bring down the curtian rod.
but a large strugling bird may have.

Well I'm itching for an answer. I've posted two theories, and BT has posted one, so has Easy Bakes. I think everyone active on this board has posted something. From what you've said BT is closest, though I'm not sure what he could be missing. I kinda liked my bird crashing idea, but whatever.

Of course, it could have been an accidentally fired shot while cleaning a rifle or musket. Cotton cleaning patches are wrapped around the end of the jag, which is then run through the barrel for cleaning.